are the worst! I just don't like feeling this way but it is a reality for me. There are days when I wish I could go back to a time when life was "simple", yes, a little selfish, isn't it? But my life isn't what it used to be 2, 3...6...8 years ago. There have been so many changes, so many transitions, so many different emotions...since then. Before havin
g children, I never envisioned being a SAHM...it is definitely difficult at times. So many times I lose my sanity. And for awhile, I felt as if I lost my identity. No, I'm not having a pity-party for myself -- if you know me, I despise pity-parties!
I've gotten better over time... Especially after learning of Joey's diagnosis. It's strange how things happen that way. By no means, do I see Joey's diagnosis as a life sentence. Those were the mourning days...of course, we have moved on from
that. Joey has made me/us see things differently, I do take smaller steps, I do rationalize better, I don't stress out the little things that most people find to be huge things, I do have more patience, as Jenny would put it "we get to see more colors of the rainbow because of our little fellows"...I think it does make me a better person.
Which is why days like these, makes it a bit more challenging for me. I don't like groundhog days because I don't like the "tug o' war" emotions that surfac
e. As with most times, when I talk about it or in this case, write about it...I reflect and I gather myself and I feel better. So, thanks for reading...
D must be on the same wavelength as me or at least feeling it. We just got off the phone and said he was going to pick Joey up from preschool and I can take a day off from my usual routine. This is monumental! This is equivalent to D taking a day off from work which never happens (NEVER). It never happens in the middle of the work week...if he does take off from work its because its a holiday and all the financial institutions are closed. He's such a great guy...SO glad he's mine!! :)
So...this is what I'm going to do...
Circa May 2007
I feel better already. I do have to remind myself of how I
typically feel most days. I think my groundhog's day just ended!
Cheers to feeling better!!!
3 comments:
Oh Abby! I'm having a pity party for myself tonight! After reading your post, I wanted to delete my post. I sound so pitiful. But I won't because it's good for me to document my sad days too. I already feel better just reading your post. I think I'm just tender because I had my meeting with Vince's Social Worker. You know how emotional draining those can be. I am so happy you had a day off. Dave is a great guy. I hope you had a wonderful time. xoxo
i admire yours and jenny's tenacity, commitment, advocacy for your "little fellows". you probably don't see it this way, but you are both inspirational as mothers.
you deserve to take time for yourself - i couldn't see the pic but i know it's something fun :) looking forward to seeing you soon! xoxo!
Hang in there Abby! I feel that way a lot too, but for different reasons Let's have a pity party together.
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