Thankful...

Have you ever had one of those 'near death' experiences? Is that even the right way to phrase it? ...and then you feel the aftershock...the "what if" it really happened?

Yesterday, on our way home from Joey's speech therapy I decided to get some coffee at Starbucks. I thought it would be a good idea to also pass by the farm on the way home which is conveniently on the way to our house. The farm is like a little mini-zoo for Joey...the ranch actually has cows, sheep, horses, llamas in their backyard for everyone to see. So we're on the 101 freeway and I get onto the off-ramp...its the off-ramp right before our usual exit to go home...I'm at the stoplight and it turns green. There's one car ahead of me and then it's my turn to cross the controlled-intersection. This is when everything slowed down for just one second and then suddenly picked up in a very fast pace. As I'm crossing over the intersection, I look to my left and there is this huge Chevy pick-up truck on the fast lane, a truck that's been modified on very high wheels, an off-road type of truck and it's not stopping, it is coming towards the mid-section of my car very quickly...his face was turned to the left, not even looking straight ahead of him...he didn't know I was there and didn't know the light was red for him. I am sure my expression screamed horror realizing my mouth was open... my automatic reaction was to press hard on the gas, thank goodness my car reacts very quickly, the car felt like it jumped when I pressed on the gas...I make that left and I slow down to look at my side rear-mirror seeing if he had even noticed. He didn't. He was three-quarters passed the intersection when he finally stopped. I couldn't breathe. I pulled over to the side of the road...and all those "what if" scenarios played in my mind. It was so close... Typically, I don't get shaken up that easily, even when I did get into a car accident a few years ago. But this, by far, had me shaken. My hands were trembling, I called Dave just by habit...and the next thing I knew, I was sobbing. I couldn't get over the 'what if's'...it took me nearly 15 minutes to compose myself. What is so ironic about this happening is Dave just finished a conversation he had with his processor about Senator Joe Biden losing his wife and daughter to a fatal car accident...seconds before I called him.

I am just so thankful nothing happened to us...thankful there was no one behind us...just thankful. One monumental milestone happened as I sat on the side of the road crying my eyes out...was that Joey asked, "Mama, what's the matter...what's wrong, Mama...why are you crying?"... OMG -- HUGE-HUGE deal when it comes to children with Autism. The mere fact he recognized emotion when typically they don't at all is such a huge thing...it made me start crying all over again! Just thankful...